Vampire Jokes
Here is a collection of vampire jokes for you to enjoy
- Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A: Count Duckula - Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay - Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank - Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I’m afraid of the light! - Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula’s terror-tory - Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie - Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels. - Q: What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood?
A: The non-Suckers section. - Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel. - Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He’s a pain in the neck. - Q: What do you call Count Dracula’s cookout?
A: Vampire camfire. - Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: “Hello, pleased to eat you!” - Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles. - Q: What is Dracula’s position in baseball?
A: Batboy - Q: Who is the Dracula’s super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul. - Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building. - Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank. - Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner. - Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich. - Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound. - Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine. - Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood! - Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
A: His ghoul friend! - Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
A: Long distance. - Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
A: A know-it-all, that’s really a pain in the neck. - Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building. - Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door. - Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck. - Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts. - Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes. - Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he’s a bat-chelor. - Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank. - Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
A: “Mommy, turn off the switch. I’m afraid of the light!” - Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire. - Q: Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home?
A: Because he was coffin too much. - Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops! - Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light. - Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test. - Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
A: Can’t you count Dracula! - Q: What is a vampire’s favorite game?
A: Bat-miton. - Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine. - Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood! - Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: He had bat breath. - Q: Why didn’t Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul! - Q: What is Count Dracula’s favourite snack?
A: .A fangfurter ! - Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ?
A: A jampire ! - Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
A: A blood hound ! - Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?
A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul ! - Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite sport ?
A: Batminton ! - Q: What happened to the mad vampire ?
A: He went a little batty ! - Q: What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day ?
A: A coffin break ! - Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
A: In bite sized pieces ! - Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ?
A: The Isle of Fright ! - Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ?
A: It was in his blood ! - Q: Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?
A: The ghoulscorer ! - Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?
A: I don’t know but it would slow him down ! - Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?
A: Ghouldilocks ! - Q: Why did the vampire go to hospital ?
A: He wanted his ghoulstones removed ! - Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite drink ?
A: A bloody mary ! - Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite dance ?
A: The fangdango ! - Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?
A: Ghouldfinger ! - Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?
A: Newfangled rubbish ! - Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?
A: He wanted something to get his teeth into ! - Q: What happened at the vampires race ?
A: It finished neck and neck ! - Q: Where did vampires go to first in America ?
A: New Fangland ! - Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ?
A: All the blood relations went ! - Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?
A: A fangster ! - Q: What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve ?
A: “Auld Fang Syne” ! - Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?
A: He had fang decay ! - Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
A: You look like your going to the dogs ! - Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
A: Fangsgiving day ! - Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
A: Join his fang club ! - Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
A: Because blood is thicker than water ! - Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula’s favourite ?
A: Veinilla ! - Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?
A: It wanted to play squash ! - Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won’t get stake ! - Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
A: Send your name, address and blood group ! - Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite animal ?
A: A giraffe ! - Q: Why was the young vampire a failure ?
A: He fainted at the sight of
blood ! - Q: What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad ! - Q: What’s Dracula’s favourite coffee ?
A: Decoffinated ! - Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?
A: A bite in shining armour ! - Q: What does a vampire bath in ?
A: A bat tub ! - Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?
A: Fangs very much ! - Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?
A: Coffin medicine ! - Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ?
A: Fang mail ! - Q: What’s Dracula’s favourite soup ?
A: Scream of tomato ! - Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?
A: A bat mat ! - Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite dance ?
A: The vaults ! - Q: What do romantic vampires do ?
A: Neck ! - Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?
A: Because they make themselves cross ! - Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ?
A: Terror, terror on the wall… ! - Q: What is a vampire’s favourite film character ?
A: Batman ! - Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
A: Because it’s a drain in the neck ! - Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first
child?
A: Frostbite - Q: Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper. - Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache. - Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night. - Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin. - Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.
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